Rethinking Stress: Why “Just Relax” is BS and What Actually Works
Let’s be real—stress is inevitable. It’s woven into our daily lives whether we like it or not. Work deadlines, family drama, bills, random existential crises at 2 AM… the list goes on.
But here’s the kicker—stress isn’t always the bad guy. The problem isn’t that we experience stress, it’s how we handle it.
Reframing Stress: It’s Not Always the Villain
We’ve been conditioned to see stress as something we need to eliminate, but research shows that our mindset about stress matters just as much as the stress itself.
A study from Harvard University found that when people viewed stress as something that could be energizing rather than harmful, their bodies actually responded differently—more like a challenge to rise to rather than a threat to escape (Jamieson et al., 2012). In short, how we think about stress changes how it affects us.
So if stress isn’t inherently bad, why does it make us feel like shit? Because, sometimes, it builds up faster than we can process it. And that’s when it starts to screw with our bodies, our sleep, our skin (yes, stress-induced breakouts are real), and our overall health.
So What Can You Actually Do About It?
People love to throw around "just breathe" or "try meditating" as a solution, and while that might work for some, let’s be honest—it’s not for everyone.
If you’ve ever tried deep breathing while in the middle of a stress spiral and felt absolutely nothing change, you’re not alone. Some of us process stress better through movement, action, and even loudness.
So instead of giving you a one-size-fits-all solution, I’m giving you two versions of stress relief: QUIET & LOUD.
The QUIET Approach: When You Need to Calm the Hell Down
Some stress requires slowing the fuck down—especially if your nervous system is on high alert. If you’re in overwhelm mode, these are for you:
👉 Deep Breathing (But Make It Actually Effective)
I know, I know. “Just breathe” sounds patronizing as hell. But before you write it off, try box breathing—a technique used by Navy SEALs to regulate stress under extreme conditions (like, you know, actual life-or-death situations).
How to do it:
- Inhale for 4 seconds
- Hold for 4 seconds
- Exhale for 4 seconds
- Hold for 4 seconds
- Repeat for a few rounds
This method activates your parasympathetic nervous system, which literally tells your body, hey, we’re safe now(Grossman & Walfish, 2020).
👉 Progressive Muscle Relaxation (Tension You Didn’t Know You Had)
If you hold stress in your body (aka tight shoulders, clenched jaw, stiff neck), progressive muscle relaxation can help.
How to do it:
- Start at your feet and tense a muscle group for 5 seconds
- Release and feel the difference
- Move up your body until you reach your face
- Bonus: Do this while lying in bed before sleep—it works wonders
👉 Sensory Grounding (When You’re Spiraling)
If stress makes you feel like you’re dissociating or overwhelmed, grounding techniques bring you back to the present.
Try the 5-4-3-2-1 method:
- 5 things you see
- 4 things you can touch
- 3 things you hear
- 2 things you smell
- 1 thing you taste
This activates your senses, pulling you out of stress loops and back into the now (Kabat-Zinn, 1990).
The LOUD Approach: When You Need to Get It the F*ck Out
Some people don’t need calming—they need a release. If stillness makes you feel worse, these are for you.
👉 Scream Into a Pillow (Or Your Car, If You’re Feeling Brave)
Ever feel so stressed you just want to scream? Do it.
- Grab a pillow, bury your face in it, and let it out.
- Or, if you’re driving alone, scream into the void—zero judgment.
This isn’t just about catharsis—vocal release physically helps your body process stress. Studies suggest that yelling or loud vocalization can reduce tension and help regulate emotions (Timmons et al., 2015).
👉 Sing (Badly) at Full Volume
Singing actually reduces cortisol levels (the stress hormone) and increases oxytocin (which makes you feel good) (Kreutz et al., 2004).
It doesn’t matter if you’re good at it—just blast your favorite song and belt it out. Bonus points for dramatic car karaoke.
👉 Move Your Body (Because Stress Lives in It)
If stress is making you feel wired or restless, you need physical movement to burn off that excess energy.
Try:
- Dancing to one ridiculous song (even if it’s alone in your kitchen)
- Punching a pillow (better than bottling up frustration)
- Taking a walk—especially outside (nature exposure reduces stress, proven by science) (Bratman et al., 2015)
The Takeaway: Find What Works for YOU
The reality? There’s no single “right” way to manage stress.
- If you feel overwhelmed and overstimulated, try the quiet techniques.
- If you feel frustrated, restless, or like you’re going to explode, go for the loud ones.
Test them out. Pay attention to what actually helps you feel better—and ditch the shit that doesn’t work.
📩 Now tell me—what’s your go-to stress release? Do you need stillness or movement? Hit reply and let me know.
Stay grounded,
Liz
Citations
- Bratman, G. N., Hamilton, J. P., Hahn, K. S., Daily, G. C., & Gross, J. J. (2015). Nature experience reduces rumination and subgenual prefrontal cortex activation. Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, 112(28), 8567-8572.
- Grossman, P., & Walfish, S. (2020). Breathing retraining: A practical guide for stress and anxiety reduction.Journal of Behavioral Medicine, 43(1), 50-68.
- Jamieson, J. P., Mendes, W. B., Blackstock, E., & Schmader, T. (2012). Turning the knots in your stomach into bows: Reappraising arousal improves performance on the GRE. Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, 48(2), 556-558.
- Kabat-Zinn, J. (1990). Full catastrophe living: Using the wisdom of your body and mind to face stress, pain, and illness.
- Kreutz, G., Bongard, S., Rohrmann, S., Hodapp, V., & Grebe, D. (2004). Effects of choir singing or listening on secretory immunoglobulin A, cortisol, and emotional state. Journal of Behavioral Medicine, 27(6), 623-635.
- Timmons, A. C., Margolin, G., & Saxbe, D. E. (2015). Physiological linkage in couples and its implications for individual and interpersonal functioning: A literature review. Journal of Family Psychology, 29(5), 720-731.